“And love is not a victory march, it’s a cold and it’s a broken ‘hallelujah.’ ” (>>) [MP3]
“For awhile I sat there staring at her photograph
for awhile I cried and tried not to make a scene
There was a time when we were young I used to make her laugh
but life is long
My love has gone away from me (>>) [MP3]
“This girl […] comes into his life and just kicks him into gear, wakes him up. He kinda falls in love with her, but he’s not sure, ’cause he’s in love with his girlfriend, but this girl kinda wakes him up in a way. And because he’s kind of a bloke he mistakes that affection or that attention for some kind of sexual advance, which it just isn’t. She is into him and she is interested in him, but it’s mates; it’s, ‘Get your life together.’ ‘Come on, go get your girlfriend. Sing this song to her, you’ll get her back.’ ” (>>)
So say you’re feeling kind of sad and anxious, missing some girl or whatever, but you’re not totally depressed. You could go either way. It’s two in the fucking morning and you have to wake up in four hours, but you can’t sleep. Obviously you’re going to put on a record–or open up a playlist, you damn whippersnappers… but what do you choose?
You could listen to a sad song, something old and smooth and emotionally self-destructive, something by Otis Redding or Patsy Cline. That would be true to your feelings and comforting in a familiar but unhealthy way, like that bad relationship you kept going back to until your soul resembled Leonardo DiCaprio in the subway bathroom scene from Basketball Diaries.
Or, you could put on something new and fast and irrelevant, something with clever production and loud guitars. Something to numb your heart and distract your mind, like when Americans see pictures of genocide on the news and flip over to Desperate Housewives or ESPN. Motion City Soundtrack or maybe some Hot Hot Heat.
Because these choices are important. “Which came first, the music or the misery,” you know? Wallowing in beautifully harmonized self-pity starts to get a little pathetic by the time you reach your mid-twenties. But is it healthy to manipulate your feelings in order to be, well… healthy?
Maybe there’s a reason all those shallow preppy kids are so happy driving around in the BMW convertibles their parents buy them, listening to Britney Spears or N*Sync or whatever the hell the music industry is shitting out these days. But do you really want to live like that? I mean, those people acquire our contempt for good reason.
So, what do you do? Hunch down in the closet with Otis and a bottle of red, waiting for the voices to tire themselves out, or play Solitaire on your laptop with Britney until she bores the hell out of you and you can go back to sleep?
Or maybe you just make up a mix of both, sort it randomly and write something slightly neurotic for your blog.
“Your heart won’t heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures” (>>)
“When you play my song
play it slowly
play it like Iâ€™m sad and lonely” (>>) [MP3]
“but you came so close and i assumed
you were looking for the piece of yourself that’s lost…” (>>) [MP3]
“I can’t hold you, but I’m still kissing you
I don’t want to, but I’m still missing you” (>>) [MP3]
“I want so much to open your eyes,
’cause I need you to look into mine” (>>) [MP3]
“I was strong but awkward, born with an armor of imagination.” (>>) [MP3]
“Excuse me, did I do something wrong? I get invited, then ignored all night long.”
“I’ve been trying, I’m not lying. No one’s perfect, I’ve got baggage.”
“Life’s too short, babe, time is flying. I’m looking for baggage that goes with mine.”
“I should tell you…” (>>) [MP3]
“Our youth is fleeting
Old age is just around the bend
And I can’t wait to go grey
I’ll sit in wonder
Of every love that could’ve been
If I’d only thought of something
Charming to say” (>>) [MP3]
“I caught myself thinking
I caught myself thinking once again
I have to try to keep my mind out of this
Try not to pretend” (>>) [MP3]
“We say so much about the healing power of the body of Christ, but it seems like most of my friends in the body were too busy attending church choir or leading their small groups to check up on me.” (>>)
“I want to be known and loved anyway.” (>>)
“I’m fucking starved for love
I deeply need to feel connection with the infinite
I want the nourishment
I need to drink it just like water, and it will sustain me” (>>) [MP3]
“The whole song is a study of reality through the lens of opposites: inside vs. outside, fact vs. fiction, heart vs. brain. When looking at something, which view shows the soul or the truth of the matter, and which is just a shadow or filter of the truth.” (>>)
“It has been the same in all my relationships. There was always, within me, this demand for affection, this needy, clingy monkey on my back. I wouldn’t be satisfied unless the girl wanted to get married right away, unless she was panicky about it, and even then I would imagine a non-existent scenario in which she finds another man or breaks up with me because of the way I look. I would find myself getting depressed about conversations that never even took place.” (>>)