"Sometimes people feel that moving on means forgetting and not feeling sad anymore. They cling to their grief out of fear of losing it, because it is the last thing they have connecting them to the one they loved." (>>)
A few products of this weekend:
"Sometimes I think the people to feel the saddest for are people who are unable to connect with the profound — people such as my boring brother-in-law, a hearty type so concerned with normality and fitting in that he eliminates any possibility of uniqueness for himself and his own personality. I wonder if some day, when he is older, he will wake up and the deeper part of him will realize that he has never allowed himself to truly exist, and he will cry with regret and shame and grief.
"And then sometimes I think the people to feel saddest for are people who once knew what profoundness was, but who lost or became numb to the sensation of wonder — people who closed the doors that lead us into the secret world — or who had the doors closed for them by time and neglect and decisions made in times of weakness." (>>)
"I write to keep on this road of believing the unbelievable. I write, and guess what I find out? There are THOUSANDS of people like me. They can't deal with the circus. They get sick at all the people [who] talk like God is so real you can almost touch him. They are people who find the feeling of the absence of God to be the most realistic parts of the Bible." (>>)
"To forgive another person from the heart is an act of liberation. We set that person free from the negative bonds that exist between us. We say, 'I no longer hold your offense against you.'…We also free ourselves from the burden of being the 'offended one.' As long as we do not forgive those who have wounded us, we carry them with us or, worse, pull them as a heavy load. The great temptation is to cling in anger to our enemies and then define ourselves as being offended and wounded by them. Forgiveness, therefore, liberates not only the other but also ourselves." (>>)
"A phrase I keep coming across these days is, 'There are no lone wolf Christians.' There aren't? Why not? Because, see, that's not saying there shouldn't be any. It says there aren't any. If people say they're Christian and that they don't go to church…well, that's impossible because 'there aren't any lone wolf Christians.' So therefore they must not be Christians. Not REAL Christians. … I have a hard enough time ridding myself of the idea that God is the parent for whom nothing I do will ever be enough, without stuff like this adding to the mess in my head. … Not that I'm dissing church. Big fan of church. But saying being part of a community is good and healthy isn't the same thing as saying you HAVE to do it or you hate [Jesus]." (>>)
"The other volume was the slim first volume in the set, a collection of short essays on the purpose and use of the Great Books. It was called 'The Great Conversation.' The authors suggested we approach these books not as a single narrative, or as an education by installment, but as a great, roaring, unruly conversation across the ages. Greek dramatists debating with English scientists. Russian novelists sparring with German psychologists. Gibbon debating Homer. Augustine versus Tolstoy. It was a conversation that never occurred, but was allowed to occur by bringing all these writings together, and then studying them to hear what each writer had to say. This idea, of a great conversation taking place over time and culture, and then selected and presented for my benefit, has become my dominant idea of what is the Bible." (>>)
Starting with this post, I'll be using Blogger's built-in commenting system. I've wanted to switch to it for awhile, but two things stopped me. The first was that I didn't like the way they built the interface for handling comments and the second was that I didn't want to lose all my old comments.
The transition should be pretty transparent to you (well, with the glaring exception of the interface used to submit/view comments), but if you notice any errors or anything let me know.
"Even permissive Christians seem scared to drink a substantial amount of it. 'It's okay, every now and then, to have a glass of wine at dinner.' I'm sorry. I find that sentiment lacking. It lacks a certain boldness. There is always a risk in pleasure. In sex, a man may be lacking in selflessness from time to time, yet he should not abstain for that reason. In business, one may give way to greed every now and again (or perhaps often), yet that is hardly reason to abstain from running a store. Boldness is heavily correlated with certainty, and that is precisely why the Church I know is so modest, so unoffensive, so… conservative." (>>)
"The evenings were spent sitting on the porch reading or talking or just looking at the big, big sky. And no one knew what 'boredom' meant. They were all too tired from the work each day. He had to move to the city before he ever understood angst and ennui and alcoholism and drug addiction and depression and suicide." (>>)
"Atop the staircase, I faltered. All those cheerful faces. Devout people. What was I doing there? I pondered turning around, running for my car, escaping that place. I would rather have been anywhere but there. Home was where I really wanted to be." (>>)
"I've been to a lot of huge public events in this country during the past five years, writing about sports or whatever, and one thing they all had in common was this weird implicit enmity that American males, in particular, seem to carry around with them much of the time. Call it a laughable generalization, fine, but if you spend enough late afternoons in stadium concourses, you feel it, something darker than machismo. Something a little wounded, and a little sneering, and just plain ready for bad things to happen. It wasn't here. It was just…not. I looked for it, and I couldn't find it." (>>)
So, I bet you're thinking, "Ian's gonna post some bitter, depressing, hateful diatrab about Valentine's day." Admit it, you know it crossed your mind once or twice. It's ok, I don't really blame you. I did help plan an entire party dedicated to defying everything the "holiday" stands for last year. And the year before that, I wrote a slightly bitter rant about it here on Daily Random. So I can't really blame you for expecting something similar this year. Perhaps, if you're so inclined, you've even been waiting in eager anticipation.
But you won't read anything like that this year. No, I've grown. I've matured. I'm ok with my "singleness." I'm not lonely, or bitter. I don't miss her at all. I don't dream about kissing. And I definitely don't dream about cuddling. Those dreams where it's so real you remember exactly how it felt when you wake up? Not once.
I won't be making any depressing/hopeful/love-her/hate-her mix CDs this year. I'm not stewing in dejection, regretting all the mistakes I made–besides, that takes at least a long weekend spent driving around in my car listening to depressing music, and I just don't have that kind of time these days, what, with my new-found sense of hope and all.
No, I've moved on. I've realized that all those authors and single's-Bible-study leaders were right all along. God is all I need. Really, I can't even relate anymore to all those immature Christians who think they need a "significant other" to be happy. God is so much more "significant" than some silly girl could be. If they would just realize that the huge, gaping, bloody hole in their hearts is nothing compared to the glorious riches of God's love revealed in His one and only begotten Son, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ then they'd be happy. Just like me.
There's just no comparison. I mean, just because she made you feel alive; just because all you ever needed was to hold her and when you finally could, there was nothing that could pull you away; just because… well, you see where I'm going with this. None of that means there's any reason to be sad. Jesus loves me, what do I care about the fickle love of a woman? I just can't believe how shallow I was before.
So, you won't hear any of that silly whining this year. Nope. I've grown. I've matured.
"Rufus Wainwright's cover of Jeff Buckley's cover of John Cale's cover of Leonard Cohen's 'Hallelujah' is not nearly as good as Jeff Buckley's cover of John Cale's cover of Leonard Cohen's 'Hallelujah.' It isn't even as good as John Cale's cover of Leonard Cohen's 'Hallelujah.' However, it is better than Leonard Cohen's version of 'Hallelujah.' The poem 'Hallelujah,' also by Leonard Cohen, is better than all of the other Hallelujahs except for Jeff Buckley's cover of John Cale's cover of Leonard Cohen's 'Hallelujah.' There, glad that's settled." (>>)
"We see the other possible response in the behavior of Moses. He does not know what to do either, but he calls to God: 'Lord, help me! Show me the way!' For Moses, the testing leads to a strengthening of bonds with God, to a greater trust. It is important to realize that, in a situation of testing, we cannot stand still; we must either go forward or backward. An experience of testing leads either to a loss of confidence in God or to a stronger, more mature trust." (>>)
"Nor is God far distant from those who in shadows and images seek the unknown God, for it is He who gives to all men life and breath and all things , and as Saviour wills that all men be saved . Those also can attain to salvation who through no fault of their own do not know the Gospel of Christ or His Church, yet sincerely seek God and moved by grace strive by their deeds to do His will as it is known to them through the dictates of conscience. Nor does Divine Providence deny the helps necessary for salvation to those who, without blame on their part, have not yet arrived at an explicit knowledge of God and with His grace strive to live a good life . Whatever good or truth is found amongst them is looked upon by the Church as a preparation for the Gospel. She knows that it is given by Him who enlightens all men so that they may finally have life. But often men, deceived by the Evil One, have become vain in their reasonings and have exchanged the truth of God for a lie, serving the creature rather than the Creator . Or some there are who, living and dying in this world without God, are exposed to final despair." (>>)
"I was hoping we could work it out some way
But she had had enough.
So I took the diamond ring to the shop downtown,
I left the ring on the glass; he left the money laid down.
And I was left in the lost and found."
I was playing around with a new banner image tonight. What do you guys think? I probably won't use it with this design, but maybe a future one. I found the original photo on stock.xchng and did some minor adjustments in Photoshop.
"…hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it." (>>)
"I realized after writing and recording this record that there's not a second of it that's not about relationships. Relationships with women and girls, relationships with drugs and alcohol, relationships with family, relationships with God, a relationship with the road, and a relationship with myself. Whether relationships are past, present or future they always seem to shape who we have been, who we are and who we are becoming. I have lived and am living for all of those relationships and somehow collectively find my meaning, identity, and purpose within them."
Maybe I wouldn't be so screwed up today if I hadn't of read all that Poe in 4th grade…
"Proposals for shelters are contentious everywhere, but the sheer animus since the tent city arrived in the suburbs last summer has been shocking. Five lawsuits have been filed to try to stop it. The city of Bothell even sued a Catholic church to keep it from hosting the camp…" (>>)
As if you needed another reason [WMV] to buy a motorcycle.
This weekend at Second Time Around I got the following CDs for under $20
Freedy Johnston – This Perfect World ($5)
Hoobastank – The Reason ($4)
Downhere – So Much For Substitutes ($3)
Shaun Groves – Twilight ($5)
Roy Orbison – A Cheap Greatest Hits CD Put Out by a Shameless Record Company Looking For Profit But Hey It Was Only Two Dollars And Has Lots of Good Music ($2)
(Keep in mind I don't care how much you think Hoobastank sucks.)
"It's really sad how we keep trying each other on like worn-out sweaters, knowing that they are too frayed to wear." (>>)