“But everything inside you knows there’s more than what you’ve heard,
there’s so much more than empty conversations filled with empty words.”
Every night I get home from work around 9 or 10 and I’m tired, but I don’t go to sleep. I stay up for another two or three hours. I’ll do pointless stuff, like read blogs, but I won’t go to sleep. I feel like I haven’t done anything yet. I’ve actually done lots of things; I’ve been on campus for 4 or 5 hours in class or doing homework, and at work for for another 5 or 6, but that doesn’t count, it’s just work.
“I want to see miracles, to see the world change;
I wrestled the angel for more than a name;
for more than a feeling, for more than a cause.”
I have this vauge fantasy in the back of my mind. I see myself doing something exciting with my life, leaving everything to do something important and all-consuming. Part of me was disappointed when I got into UD; a small part was hoping God would screw up all my plans and take away any hope of achieving the American Dream. But sometimes I think all I want is a great wife and a stable job that’ll pay enough to support a family. I’ll have a couple internship interviews go well and for a few days Corporate America doesn’t seem so sleezy and meaningless. Maybe a normal life isn’t so boring, after all.
There’s a story about a shoemaker who converted to Christianity and asked Martin Luther what he should do with his life now that he was a Christian. Luther told him to make good shoes and sell them at a fair price. But then again, you never saw Luther making shoes.
“I’m standing on the edge of me.” (>>)
P.S. If you’re ever pondering whether or not to write something stupid and personal on your blog, don’t tell yourself that you’ll just write it out and decide whether or not to publish it when you’re done. That same little voice will disable your critical thinking skills just long enough for you hit “publish.”