The great thing about buying alcohol on Valentine’s Day is that, upon seeing the contents on your shopping cart — Pop Tarts, Rolos and the latest issue of the National Inquirer wherein they divulge that baseball great Babe Ruth was, in fact, a communist lesbian from Planet X — seeing the contents sprawled out on the conveyor belt like the confessions of some trashy ‘tell all’ celebrity biography, testifying to your utterly pathetic state of being — not unlike the e-mail your high school girlfriend sent to all of her friends detailing your failings as a lover — the great thing is that Cute Checkout Girl doesn’t even bother to ask for your I.D., but just gives you an odd look of pity mixed with something you can’t quite place (contempt?) and scans the bottle, leaving you to wonder what the hell you’re going to do after the Rolos are gone and do you think she’d go out with me if I just cleaned up a bit?
Tuesday, February 14th, 2006 :: 10:48 PM
Raise a Glass to Saint Valentine
1) Ian »» February 14th, 2006 @ 10:57 pm
Before anyone goes all Larry King on me I feel I should point out that this is (mostly) fiction. While I did buy Pop Tarts, Rolos and a 24oz bottle of hard lemonaid tonight, I did show my I.D. and Cute Checkout Girl was actually a man in his early thirties with a haircut that answered any questions as to why he was working 2nd shift at Kroger on Valentine’s Day. There was, thankfully, no e-mail detailing my failings as a lover because I didn’t actually have any girlfriends in high school.
And furthermore, I do actually agree w/ King on the whole Frey thing, I just thought it’d be a funny way to head off any inquisitions from the Morality Police.
You… are so funny.
PS. They sent me my new copy of “Blue Like Jazz”! Finally!!
Thanks :) That makes me happy, it’s such a beautiful book. Enjoy :)
Ha, ha! You’re funny!