“Not learning those lessons may be attributable to some ADD, mule-headed stubbornness or simply feeling a lot of self-pity so I didn’t want to take responsibility for anything. Acting as if there were no lessons to be learned was always a convenient way to act as if everything happening today was my wife’s fault, when in fact I was responsible for knowing where we were on the map, what was happening and how I should act/react.

“This time around I wanted things to be different. I was praying that God would show me and teach me how to deal with what we were facing, and what I needed to be and do for our marriage to heal and grow.

“And so the idea came.

“Write a book about my wife. A book about my wife and what I have learned about her and us, about being a good husband, and about what will make our marriage better.


“So far, there are an even 50 lessons. Some short, some detailed. There will be a lot more. They cover things I’ve known for 29 years and things I learned yesterday. There are lessons from books and truths God showed me in the aftermath of some gruesome messes. There are reminders of what it means to be kind, of how long my wife can stand to hear my voice without a break, of what I know will assure her that I love her and warnings of things to never bring up. There is an inventory of some of my fears that have shaped too many interactions. There are reassurances of things I know are true no matter what happens. There is a prayer for humility and unconditional love. There are reminders of what I know about my wife’s family and what she learned about marriage there. There are reminders of what I never learned about marriage in my home. There are reminders of what works and what never has worked. There are list of what annoys and what hurts and what angers. There are lists of what I should never mention and what I should say several times a day. There are small suggestions and principles so vital the whole marriage depends on them.” (>>)